I love everything about Jaspy. My whole world revolves around him; around his sleeping, eating, playtime and development. My minds constantly consumed by thoughts of where to take him, what to do with him, what to buy him … but rarely did I ever focus on him – plain, simple Jasper.
My mum always says that she loves his smell. ‘I can feel his chubby cheeks in that photo you posted of him on Facebook’ she often says to me; and although I gush and agree I secretly (not so anymore) wonder what she means.
I never picked him up and recognised his smell, nor did I when I picked up his clothes or toys. I couldn’t imagine how he felt when I wasn’t with him.
Now I don’t know if this is because I’m always with him and therefore never had the chance to really appreciate those things or if it’s because I’d never sat down to truly let myself appreciate them.
So instead of hurrying our day and moving from one stage to another, today I held off on the rush and just focused on him.
I looked at the shape of his teeny tiny toes and noticed how padded they were as he’s not yet been exposed to the hard life of walking everywhere in uncomfortable shoes! The soles of his feet are always clammy, I don’t know why but they always feel as though he’s just dipped them in a warm bath!
I felt the backs of his knees and realised that yep, it’s not just the backs of mine that make me cringe when I feel them! He has real little tendons and bones that will soon help him to learn to walk!
He has hair on his legs – my 7 month old baby boy has hair on his legs, I’d never noticed that before!
I studied the lines of his palms and his individual finger prints and watched as he grabbed at everything in sight! I ran my fingers over his little michellan man elastic band wrists. They’re SO CHUBBY! And oh wow his knuckles, how can knuckles be that small!?
I leant my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat – well if that doesn’t amaze you I don’t know what will. Hearing his heartbeat was the most surreal thing since hearing it whilst I was pregnant with him and it made my heart melt a little!
Usually I don’t let Jaspys hands freely grab my face as quite frankly it hurts but last night I let him. While he pulled my hair and bit my nose I sniffed his neck. I still can’t put my finger on a smell. I mean, we use the same detergent and live in the same house, I think we smell pretty similar; but his breath that’s a different story. His breath was so warm and lovely. Usually anyone breathing on my face would make me gag but he’s my baby and it was just another gentle reminder that he is a real, tiny human being!
I watched as he pulled the strangest of faces in attempts to blow raspberries and babble. His cheeks puffed out and his top lip curled over and he went (ever so slightly) cross eyed.
I stared in jealousy at those long lashes and his doe eyed expression peering up at me through them. His little button nose scrunching up as he gave a toothy grin. I ran my fingers through his mop of hair and even rubbed my nose on it. I wish my hair was still that soft!
I know this all seems weird but i’d never appreciated these things before. I’d seen his eyes and thought ‘wow they’re beautiful’ but I’d never really looked at the colours swirled into them, or how smooth the skin between his nose and top lip is. I knew he had a mini unibrow growing but I’d never really looked at how perfectly shaped his brows are.
I’d seen his peachy little bum a million times but those dimples above it, well they’re slightly edible!
Basically I hadn’t sat and watched. I hadn’t listened and felt and smelt him. I hadn’t taken in those things that make him Jasper without him having to even bat an eyelid.
I realise now how important those things are. How when he’s sat on my lap watching TV, I should steal the moments to rub my cheek on his head of hair. I should use those slobbery kisses to smell his breath and rub noses with him.
Do you ever just sit and sniff your child? Maybe you should … it’s kinds fun!
Thanks for reading