I’ve always wanted to set the best example for my son; teach him the morals I live by, make sure that he doesn’t make the same mistakes as me … ensure he lives a life the way I live mine … but oh so much better of course.
I instil manners, I let him understand the consequences to his actions and I teach him to be kind and caring whilst strong minded and not a push over. There are however, some traits of mine that I don’t want Jasper to copy. Nothing horrendous, I don’t hurt baby animals or pathologically lie or anything crazy; I just do certain things/ act certain ways in certain situations and I hope for his sake that he doesn’t do the same.
1) Scared of the dark
I’ve never thought of myself as a scaredy cat but as I started to write this down the fears just kept on coming! I’m so scared of the dark, I hate hate hate when Pete works away because I’m the responsible adult in the house. Switching off the lights for bedtime, going down in the middle of the night to get Jasper a drink and having to bring the washing in when the sun’s gone down is a daily struggle.
Most nights I sleep with the hallway light on, I’d rather have to re wash clothes that have gotten rained on then go out in the dark and I walk downstairs with my back against the wall incase someone’s behind me. I don’t want Jasper to start needing to sleep with the light on or be afraid to go somewhere at night but how do I push him to be brave when he can’t imitate me in that way?
2) Nervous around animals
I’m a big animal lover, I love watching cute kittens doing funny things on Youtube and we always wave to dogs at the park but I didn’t realise how nervous I was around them until recently. Jasper always want’s to stroke dogs and as long as it’s okay with the owners I encourage him to. I hold onto him and make sure he doesn’t go near the dogs mouth but as soon as it tries to jump up at me or lick me I literally jump back.
We wen’t to a farm the other day and went into the goat enclosure and I must have looked like such an idiot. Every time the goats came near me I squealed like a child and when Jasper tried to feed one I was pretty much stood behind him to avoid them coming near me! My friend helped him to feed the donkeys and it made me so proud of him to see his hand full of food with those donkey teeth tickling away at his palm and he didn’t even flinch!
3) So not a daredevil
I used to be fearless as a child. I’d go on the highest flumes and scariest rides but now I’m such a wuss. I won’t go on rides incase they break down and I won’t go on flumes incase I get static shocks from the lines where the plastic joins or incase someone comes down too fast behind me and knocks me out – seriously I’m ridiculous!
4) I overanalyse and over worry!
I look into things way too much. Did my comment come across too uncaring? When Jasper bumped his head what if he’s developed an underlying problem that I can’t see? Were they avoiding me by not answering the phone? Have I done enough to make sure Jasper is developing enough?
5) Being a pushover/ wanting to please people
This isn’t so much the case now but all throughout school I just wanted to please people. I hung around with people that weren’t nice to me and put up with not so nice treatment; I guess because I wanted to be accepted. If the popular girls didn’t like pop music then neither did I, no matter how much I loved it. If the cute guys at school liked girls wearing heels to school then you bet I turned up in heels the next day (no matter how much I HATED wearing heels).
I let other people affect what I did and I never ever want to be like that again, let alone watch Jasper go through it.
6) Lacking confidence
Finally, as this seems to be one big bash at my personality, I’m going to round it off. I lack confidence. Don’t get me wrong I love a good selfie but there are certain situations where I’m really not confident at all. I would always choose to text rather than call incase of an awkward silence. I would avoid any kind of public speaking at all costs and dreaded giving presentations at Uni. I faked a broken wrist ( long story) rather than take part in sports day at school. Walking through the recreation room at college was terrifying and I’d always pretend to be texting while praying I didn’t trip rather than make awkward eye contact and embarrass myself infant of people who let’s be honest, probably hadn’t even noticed I was in the room.
Listing the things I don’t like about myself is not what I planned to do but it has made me even more determined to not only guide Jasper not to be the same, but given me a push to change for him. I want to be confident for him, I want to be brave and strong minded. I don’t want him to be afraid to do fun things but of course I want him to be cautious and wise.
Is there anything you don’t want your child to get from you?
Thanks for reading,