Pushing the boundaries

Pushing the boundaries, testing the waters … whatever you want to call it Jasper is practising it wholeheartedly. I’m not sure if it’s a 15 month old thing (please say it’s not just mine) but he is really really testing my limits lately.

I love him more than life itself, don’t get me wrong, and yes most of the time it’s pretty hilarious to see his little attitude develop – threenager anyone? but oh my goodness, are there times I want to scream!

Jaspy has learnt that ‘no’ doesn’t necessarily mean he HAS to stop. It just means I’d like him to; but if he wants to … he can just keep going until he’s removed from the situation.

He’s learnt that it’s worth giving it a go and telling me off when I tell him off … why not, maybe I’ll sit on the naughty step instead?

He’s decided to try sulking, yep at 15 months he sulks. He puts his head on the floor and and moans … stops for a second, checks that you’re looking and then carries on again.

Can I be mad at him though? I mean he’s learning right? He’s learning his boundaries and limits. He’s learning right from wrong, yes from no … just in a really frustrating way!

Why is he not allowed to throw daddy’s round shaped cologne when we cheer at him for throwing a same shaped soft object? Why can’t he touch the oven even when it’s off? Mummy and daddy just want to stop him doing it even when it’s off so that it’s a habit but that’s no fun for him is it?

Why can mummy tell him no and give him a tap on the hand but he can’t do it to her? Why does mummy put him back on the naughty step when he gets off it, doesn’t she know he doesn’t want to sit there? Silly muma!

Yes, these are just some of the ways Jasper likes to … learn. The question is mummies and daddies, how do I deal with it? How to I teach Jasper that he can throw a ball but not my phone? How do I help him to understand that I can tell him no but he can’t tell me …. or can he? Can he tell me know, that’s a word he’s learnt, he doesn’t understand ‘why’, or ‘can I do this instead’, so can he tell me no? Can I even tell him no? I didn’t want to say no to him ever, I wanted to say ‘if you do that then this will happen’ or ‘you can do this but it will lead to x consequence.’ Should we say no to our kids, and if so how can we expect that to not be the answer to everything from them?

Ahh this drives me crazy. It was always so easy before, breastfeeding or bottle feeding, cloth nappies or disposables. All of these decisions were based on what I wanted. Sure they were about what was best for Jasper but I never had to factor in what he thought or wanted, merely what he showed me physically – sleeping, nappy rash, reflux etc. Now I have to deal with this tiny humans attitude, what he wants and doesn’t want; what he agrees with and doesn’t. It’s like this mummy-baby relationship just got a whole lot more equal and I need to start considering his feelings on top of the million other things we have to consider – health, safety, comfort etc etc.

I guess what I’m looking for is a bit of advice on how you parent your toddler. Do you say no? Do you give more choices or make the decisions? Do you do the naughty step yet or is it too early? Does it get better? I don’t want to make mine and Jaspers life harder in the future because I want to make it easier now. I want him to grow and nurture his development without being afraid to question and explore. I want him to have his own mind, not be a pushover and know right from wrong, I just don’t want him to be unruly and ‘naughty’.

 

Thanks for reading guys!

Jess x

 

4 Comments

  • Polly Williams
    27th July 2015 at 8:16 pm Reply

    I totally can relate to every word here Jess, Archie has always been so head strong and so am I which in someways is good but in others bad. I struggled to find boundaries with telling off and he would get so frustrated with me he would hit or push me- I know it was just a reaction now. I introduced a naughty corner and at first he was placed there with no attention put on him, he would be told firmly and clearly why… something like “that is dangerous” or “that hurts mummy” It is very repetitive but has worked. Now he is a little older he is placed there just the same, told why and told to wait, the idea is he doesn’t like it because it’s out of our attention and away from the sitting room. He waits and then I ask him to come and say sorry… Which he does. Good luck and re,ember it’s all trail and error xxx

    • Jessica
      5th August 2015 at 7:19 pm Reply

      I’m going to try a naughty corner, thanks lovely. The naughty step doesn’t work as he tries to swing on the stair gate and enjoys being by the front door haha but a corner would be boring for him.

      I’ll also try and explain more now, I think I underestimate how much he understands so it’s worth saying more than just no 🙂

  • BattleMum
    27th July 2015 at 8:23 pm Reply

    I have an 18 month old and I’m in the same situation. I’m also at a loss as to how to deal with his outbursts. He’s lashing out in nursery as well and even though we are consistent at home with techniques used in nursery, he still pushes our patience to the limits. If you find a magic wand can you send it my way when you’re done. Really hoping it’s a phase and passes quickly!

    • Jessica
      5th August 2015 at 7:20 pm Reply

      There’s been some fab advice in the comments lovely, Polly recommended a naughty corner and explaining why instead of just saying no.

      Jasper is an angel at nursery apparently which is frustrating as I know it’s just me and his dad he’s playing up for! I hope it gets better for you too 🙂

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Hi I’m Jess, a parenting, lifestyle and travel blogger. I write about all things minimalism, mum life, fitness and travel with a heap of positivity!

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