We all have one

‘No act of kindness is ever wasted’

I’m sure we all have one of these people in our lives; some unfortunately have a few! You know the sort, the sort that doesn’t like to compliment you, doesn’t want to ask how something really fantastic in your life is going, the one who would rather point out the negatives or simply not point out anything at all – which in my eyes feels a lot worse!

It seems that everyone I speak to lately has that one person in their life, be it a friend, a family member, a colleague .. maybe even their partner (this is in no way Pete, Pete is the kindest man I know, but this is just an example).20140905-113919-41959048.jpg

The worst part of it all is when those dreaded words come out ‘you know what it is? they’re jealous!’ . As if that would make you feel better. As if it makes you happy to know that someone you love or simplyย like, is jealous of you or aspects of your life. It actually upsets me to think that someone would choose to be unhappy, or merelyย not happy for me due to me having something they’d want for their life.20140905-113919-41959293.jpg

I’m not saying I don’t get jealous. Well, I don’t actually, I get envious. I have friends and family members with beautiful homes, amazing cars and fantastic lifestyles. So many people I know get incredible opportunities and experiences in life and my first thought is always – wow that’s fab!

I’d never dream of pointing out the negatives in something so positive to make myself feel better about it and them feel bad. I’d certainly never dream of not asking about it at all. If I love my friends house, I’d say ‘I love it, I wish I could have it, I’m so happy for you’. I wouldn’t find a small fault to make myself feel happier about not having it.20140905-113919-41959452.jpg

What’s sad though is that so many people do that. Not just to me but to people that I love. It may be the time of year or something in the water but it really seems to be a hot topic of discussion at the moment.

I’ve probably done it in the past. No one is perfect. I know that when I was single I didn’t always want to talk about how loved up my friends were. When I was living with my parents I didn’t always want to talk about my friends new homes. But I did. I talked about it and I was positive about it. It made me want to strive for that happiness even more to join them.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post other than to say that I hope we can all be a lot kinder. I try so hard now to tell someone if I like their hair or if I think their baby is beautiful. If I look like crap I’ll still tell me friend I think they look lovely even though it makes me realise even more how crap I look (I’m talking sick on shoulder, bags under eyes – mummy style crap).

I encourage them if they’re doing something amazing and I show an interest in what they get up to. I want to know about my friends holidays, their families lives. I want to know about their work. I don’t want to just cut off from it or make them feel like it’s less important.20140905-113919-41959159.jpg

I know how much I want to talk about good things in my life. When Jasper did his Johnson’s work, my wedding plans, our first family holiday and I know how upsetting it feels when people don’t take an interest. Of course I don’t want to be self consumed. I’m not saying it’s all about me; what I’m saying is that I’d never want to not ask about an exciting time in my friends or families lives. I understand how much it would upset/annoy/disappoint them if their joy weren’tย shared.

I find that it makes me go two ways. I’ll either point out the negatives, for example ‘hi, how are you, I’ve had my hair cut but it’s too short I know’ as a way of avoiding the awkwardness of wondering whether or not they’ll bother to say something nice or even say something at all. On the other side I’ll think to myself ‘well I don’t want to ask about their holiday/party/new job – but of course I always do. I want to know, I want them to know how happy and excited I am for them.20140905-113918-41958893.jpg

I know I’m not alone in this and I hope this post can make us all realise that kindness doesn’t cost a thing. A smile, a comment, a bit of encouragement. Don’t just be there when someone is low and you can help them (and yourself) to feel better. Be there for them when they are happy. I know I prefer to remember the happy moments in my life and the people that revelled in them with me much more than those negative times.

This isn’t some kind of anonymous finger pointer. This does happen in my life but all too often I’m hearing it happen to others I care about and it just makes me sad.

How do you guys deal with people like this?

Are you guilty of it yourself?ย 

 

Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

xx

6 Comments

  • firsttimemummy1
    5th September 2014 at 8:17 pm Reply

    This is perfect! You read my mind ๐Ÿ™‚ This hasn’t happened to me of late particularly, but it’s the way I try and live my life. Like you, I’m sure I’ve been guilty of doing it myself at some point in the past, but I always strive to make other people feel fantastic by being positive about them and what’s going on in their lives. It stems from the Church I go to I think. Everybody there is just so upbeat and would do absolutely anything for anyone, even if they don’t know them. For their own friends and others in the church, all they want is to shower them with love and tell them how fantastic they are! If you want a feel good place where everyone points out your best features, you should come to my church ๐Ÿ™‚ We spend so much time helping the homeless, victims of domestic violence, the elderly etc and all because we want to enrich their lives and make sure they know their worth! Such a lovely, honest and amazing place to be and people to surrond myself with, it’s no wonder it’s my favourite place to be!
    The other day I overheard an elderly lady in my doctors talking to someone about how miserable she is with depression and that she doesn’t get any visitors. I waited until she was alone and walked over half dragging my bag behind me and half still trying to feed Austin! I just wanted to make sure she knew she was special and that people in her community care! I invited myself to visit her for coffee tomorrow and genuinly can’t wait to go there and hear her stories and keep her company ๐Ÿ™‚ The sad part is that some people I know actually said OMG why would you bother making friends with an old person?! Boring!! It makes me so sad that they couldn’t see beyond their own lives to think about others. And what has age got to do with it anyway!? That lady is absolutely lovely. We will all be old one day and when i am, I really hope the young people in my village would want to make sure I’m OK too! It costs nothing to look after your neighbours and make sure they know they are loved in this world ๐Ÿ™‚

    Jess I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are moving closer to me. The more I read about you and your family, the more I fall in love with you all! Jasper is the cutest baby on the whole of Instagram and I totally want to steal him!! (We’re friendly enough for me to say that without you calling the police, right…?) I’m so excited to visit you in your new place and it’s SOOOO funny you should mention being happy for people’s houses….Your new barn is the type of place I would die to live in but i’ve never once even vaguely felt jealous, just happy for you and I’ve actually spend many a nightfeed at 3am thinking about your barn and how it would be lovely to bring flowers for you every time I visit so that it looks even more lovely in there for you! i sit there feeding Austin thinking about lilys, gerberas etc and which I should pick to suit the decor! Ha!
    It’s not often I come across people outside of my church that have the same views as me as far as jealousy and not being happy for others etc, so it’s a real breath of fresh air reading this and just confirms you’re even lovelier and even more genuine than I thought! You’re amazing and you have the best personality. Dont ever change! ๐Ÿ™‚
    PS I didn’t know jasper worked with Johnson’s?! xxx

    • Jessica
      8th September 2014 at 8:39 am Reply

      This is just the best comment I have ever received. You are such a kind person I cannot even begin to describe how excited me and Jaspy are to have you and Austin in our lives! It actually made me well up reading this. I then read it to my mum who said she’d love to meet you when we move closer too ๐Ÿ˜€

      That’s so sad that people can’t see past their own lives, age doesn’t matter and to be honest, older people are often more interesting to talk to anyway! Sadly though, some people will never know that.

      I’d love to join you at your church one day. I used to go to one here but when I moved to Dubai I didn’t find one there that I liked and haven’t been back since.

      Will catch up with you and your scrummy boy soon ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you again for your amazing words!

      Lots of love xxxx

  • Angela Webster
    6th September 2014 at 2:12 pm Reply

    I know exactly what you mean, I think when it really started bothering me I took a step back & looked at my own behaviour too & realised I had done the same in the past. I’m very concious of it now & make an extra effort to show an interest or say a kind word, it can be disappointing when others don’t extend the same gesture but I’m happy in the knowledge that I’m a kinder person now. Great post ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Jessica
      8th September 2014 at 8:35 am Reply

      Exactly, no one is perfect and I’ve definitely been guilty of it in the past. I really try to be aware of it now though and I feel so much better for changing my outlook. Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

  • hannah
    8th September 2014 at 9:53 am Reply

    You’re so welcome Jess, thanks for the reply! Ahh, I didn’t know you used to go to Church – I also didn’t know you moved to Dubai?! I thought those photos were just a holiday! What took you out there? I’d love to take you to my church. At the moment it’s half an hour from me but in Feb they’re opening another campus and holding one permanently in Guildford too which is fab! I’ll definitely take you and Jasper, you’d love it ๐Ÿ™‚
    Hurry up and get moving, we can’t wait to see you! Ps bless your mum, id love to meet her! Xx

    • Jessica
      1st October 2014 at 7:03 pm Reply

      Ooh we would love to come to your church, lets definitely plan that! I moved to Dubai to teach English and work with children with Autism. I ended up copywriting and pregnant so came back to be a pregnant blogger haha xx

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Hi I’m Jess, a parenting, lifestyle and travel blogger. I write about all things minimalism, mum life, fitness and travel with a heap of positivity!

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