‘No act of kindness is ever wasted’
I’m sure we all have one of these people in our lives; some unfortunately have a few! You know the sort, the sort that doesn’t like to compliment you, doesn’t want to ask how something really fantastic in your life is going, the one who would rather point out the negatives or simply not point out anything at all – which in my eyes feels a lot worse!
It seems that everyone I speak to lately has that one person in their life, be it a friend, a family member, a colleague .. maybe even their partner (this is in no way Pete, Pete is the kindest man I know, but this is just an example).
The worst part of it all is when those dreaded words come out ‘you know what it is? they’re jealous!’ . As if that would make you feel better. As if it makes you happy to know that someone you love or simply like, is jealous of you or aspects of your life. It actually upsets me to think that someone would choose to be unhappy, or merely not happy for me due to me having something they’d want for their life.
I’m not saying I don’t get jealous. Well, I don’t actually, I get envious. I have friends and family members with beautiful homes, amazing cars and fantastic lifestyles. So many people I know get incredible opportunities and experiences in life and my first thought is always – wow that’s fab!
I’d never dream of pointing out the negatives in something so positive to make myself feel better about it and them feel bad. I’d certainly never dream of not asking about it at all. If I love my friends house, I’d say ‘I love it, I wish I could have it, I’m so happy for you’. I wouldn’t find a small fault to make myself feel happier about not having it.
What’s sad though is that so many people do that. Not just to me but to people that I love. It may be the time of year or something in the water but it really seems to be a hot topic of discussion at the moment.
I’ve probably done it in the past. No one is perfect. I know that when I was single I didn’t always want to talk about how loved up my friends were. When I was living with my parents I didn’t always want to talk about my friends new homes. But I did. I talked about it and I was positive about it. It made me want to strive for that happiness even more to join them.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post other than to say that I hope we can all be a lot kinder. I try so hard now to tell someone if I like their hair or if I think their baby is beautiful. If I look like crap I’ll still tell me friend I think they look lovely even though it makes me realise even more how crap I look (I’m talking sick on shoulder, bags under eyes – mummy style crap).
I encourage them if they’re doing something amazing and I show an interest in what they get up to. I want to know about my friends holidays, their families lives. I want to know about their work. I don’t want to just cut off from it or make them feel like it’s less important.
I know how much I want to talk about good things in my life. When Jasper did his Johnson’s work, my wedding plans, our first family holiday and I know how upsetting it feels when people don’t take an interest. Of course I don’t want to be self consumed. I’m not saying it’s all about me; what I’m saying is that I’d never want to not ask about an exciting time in my friends or families lives. I understand how much it would upset/annoy/disappoint them if their joy weren’t shared.
I find that it makes me go two ways. I’ll either point out the negatives, for example ‘hi, how are you, I’ve had my hair cut but it’s too short I know’ as a way of avoiding the awkwardness of wondering whether or not they’ll bother to say something nice or even say something at all. On the other side I’ll think to myself ‘well I don’t want to ask about their holiday/party/new job – but of course I always do. I want to know, I want them to know how happy and excited I am for them.
I know I’m not alone in this and I hope this post can make us all realise that kindness doesn’t cost a thing. A smile, a comment, a bit of encouragement. Don’t just be there when someone is low and you can help them (and yourself) to feel better. Be there for them when they are happy. I know I prefer to remember the happy moments in my life and the people that revelled in them with me much more than those negative times.
This isn’t some kind of anonymous finger pointer. This does happen in my life but all too often I’m hearing it happen to others I care about and it just makes me sad.
How do you guys deal with people like this?
Are you guilty of it yourself?
Thanks for reading 🙂