New baby worries

Well little man, you’re going to be a big brother. It’s official, you’ll no longer be the bubba but of course you will still be known as ‘bubba’ … probably until you’re married with kids – I just can’t shake that name!

I’m already in tears writing this, and I’m sure if you’re a parent of more than one child than you’ll probably know how I’m feeling – please say I’m not the only crazy!?

We’re all so excited to welcome your little brother or sister into the world, more excited than we could ever put into words. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re not going to love your newest sibling with every inch of your being but it doesn’t make this feeling any easier.

When I’ve mentioned in passing my new baby worries towards having a second baby, many people told me not to worry, I’d have enough love for you both. Very kind I’d think, and I was of course grateful for the comfort but I’d never worried about that. As much as you’re my whole entire world and I can’t physically imagine having any more room to love you (I mean, if I had the room than I’d already be using it right?) I’ve always known that when my next baby comes along, I’ll simply love them the same. No more, no less, the same. It’s just been kind of obvious to me that I just will even though I know it’s a really common worry among many parents.

My worries though are about you … and I guess me.

How will you feel the first time I’m too busy being sick to answer your calls, or the first time my bump is so uncomfortable that I can’t roll around on the floor playing trains or give you a piggy back down the stairs?

What if I have to go into hospital during this pregnancy and stay overnight, or even long term and be away from you?

What if I have a complicated birth and have to stay in longer than I’d like to?

What if something happens to me … I know this is morbid and irrational but women die during labour, it’s a fact, it happens. What if you lose your muma because I wanted to bring another child into the world? I can’t help but feel selfish that I’m taking that risk when I have you, I have everything I need.

I know you’ll adore the baby, but will you get to a stage when you think … time to go home now, time to go and see your own muma this one’s mine. ‘Muma why is the bay still here?’

Will you tire of me constantly telling you to be gentle, put the baby down, stop shoving the bottle in it’s face; when all you’re trying to do is help and love your little sibling?

Will you give up asking for me to help you onto the potty or to play dinosaurs with you when you know that last few times I said ‘in a minute I’m feeding the new baby’.

Will you see the babies cot in our room and feel jealousy that you used to stay with us (more often than you perhaps should have done but oh my mum loves those bedtime snuggles)?

Will you resent how long it takes to get anywhere, that you have to wait for your little sibling to be ready before you can go to the park and explore?

Will you wonder why Grandma and Granddad and every other visitor is suddenly making a big fuss over someone else and not just you?

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Reading these back, my feelings don’t change. I still feel the worry. I do realise how silly they are and that yes some of those will of course happen it’s natural – some I can’t even think about and have to know that they’re very unlikely.

I know that you will adore your little one. You’ll have a best friend for life. Someone to make you giggle, someone to kiss. Someone to teach and protect. You’ll miss them when you’re at nursery and you’ll be eager to see them at home time. You’ll have a bond I can’t even describe how excited I am to watch develop.

I know it’ll be amazing. I really do. I know it’ll be wonderful. beautiful, tough, testing and at times sad. Of course I’ll despise myself for making you wait or for seeing a wash of disappointment over your face when things aren’t exactly the same. I’ll also feel such proudness and love when I see you together and I know that’ll make these feelings all worth it.

These feelings hit me every day; as happy and excited as I am I feel so overwhelmed. I know I simply need to know that it will all work out. I need to spend as much time with Jasper as I can now and of course just make sure that I have enough time for both of them when the new baby arrives. I need to treasure the moments I have and know that the future brings so many more.

Okay, please tell me I’m not a loon ….

14 Comments

  • Tasha
    11th February 2016 at 8:38 am Reply

    I

    • Jessica
      12th February 2016 at 9:14 am Reply

      Ahh I don’t think it finished your message lovely, unless you meant to just put “|” in which case …. I know exactly what you mean haha

  • Lorraine
    11th February 2016 at 9:38 am Reply

    Oh this is a real tear jerker! I worry about this yet I’m not even in the trying for a baby stage. It’s such a emotional time. Mostly positive but like you say you can’t help but worry. Jasper will adore you forever Jess, those disappointmenting moments are just for a second, and only because he wouldnt understand but your’ll show him direction and give him all the love and support he needs. You will do it for both your kids. Your a fab mummy. Lots of hugs X

    • Jessica
      12th February 2016 at 9:12 am Reply

      Thanks so much Lorraine, it’s crazy how these feelings just appeared. This really cheered me up 🙂 Congrats on joining the CM team by the way, how wonderful!!!!

  • Stephanie
    11th February 2016 at 11:31 am Reply

    These are all justified new mum worries, I would be exactly the same if I was expecting another baby. Your only human. I would recommend letting jasper see the new baby before any other family. Talk to him about baby, and get him used to the idea as time goes on. you will be fab!! xx

    • Jessica
      12th February 2016 at 9:11 am Reply

      Thank you lovely, I’m thinking of buying some ‘new baby’ books for me and Jasper to read together and I’ll definitely make sure Jasper comes into the room first to see the baby. I’ll hopefully go in with him so it’s us seeing the baby not Jasper seeing us. Thanks again 🙂

  • Zahn
    11th February 2016 at 6:57 pm Reply

    Awwe Jess – definately not a Loon, all will be fine and Jasper will be the perfect big brother !! I definately had very similar feelings with my two quite close together – there is so much love in a mother’s heart – here in Africa we say – a mothers heart is as big as an African bus – always room for another one !! My only tip is to downplay the baby a bit and make a fuss of him until he is settled with the idea of having another being around, ask your close family and friends to do the same – even bring him presents as a “Baby celebration”.
    Vaughn tried to throw Ash off the bed as I was feeding her the first time he met her !! But they settled soon into the love/hate sibling relationship quite early. I wish u and Pete lots of love, patience and more love, cause thats whats the most important !! Mwa Z

    • Jessica
      12th February 2016 at 9:10 am Reply

      Aww Zahn this is such wonderful advice thank you! I love that saying and I’ll certainly be using it from now on! Gifts for Jasper is a great idea and so is making more of a fuss of Jasper initially, I mean the baby doesn’t really do much anyway haha

      That’s so funny, poor Ash! I bet she reminds him of that from time to time!

      Sending so much love your way, hopefully we’ll see you again in Dubai, I’m so eager to get back out there!

  • Dianne
    12th February 2016 at 8:52 am Reply

    You are not a loon…just a normal mum. If visitors are silly enough to home in on the baby and ignore Jasper, tell them. The baby won’t know but Jasper will. You will do a great job of juggling two little ones and Jasper will love it x

    • Jessica
      12th February 2016 at 9:08 am Reply

      Thanks so much, I’ll probably end up ignoring the new baby to keep Jasper happy haha

  • ajsmummy13
    12th February 2016 at 4:31 pm Reply

    This sounds so familiar, it is exactly how I felt, I knew that my daughter would love a sibling but I felt terribly guilty about it for all the reasons you’ve said! Now my baby is 2 months old and it is great, I can’t say it was easy (I cried most of the second day in hospital because I missed my 2 year old so much!) but she has adjusted so well and quickly and I can already see how much they love each other xx

    • Jessica
      17th February 2016 at 8:57 am Reply

      That’s what I’m worried about, being in hospital for more than a day, when I had Jasper I didn’t care but this time I’m so panicky about it! I’m really excited to see how much they love each other, thanks for your comment lovely 🙂

  • Jodie
    14th February 2016 at 1:54 pm Reply

    I felt the same. You’re not the only crazy. Going from one to two was terrifying. But going from two to three was even more scary for me. I took a while to adjust and manage all three. But it’ll all get there, everyone will love each other and things will be busy.

    • Jessica
      17th February 2016 at 8:55 am Reply

      Thank you lovely, ‘everyone will love each other and things will be busy’ I like that 🙂 Busy is good and love is even better 🙂

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Hi I’m Jess, Single Mum, Accredited Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Beauty Business owner.

I chat about all thing female empowerment, spirituality and positivity

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