Well little man, you’re going to be a big brother. It’s official, you’ll no longer be the bubba but of course you will still be known as ‘bubba’ … probably until you’re married with kids – I just can’t shake that name!
I’m already in tears writing this, and I’m sure if you’re a parent of more than one child than you’ll probably know how I’m feeling – please say I’m not the only crazy!?
We’re all so excited to welcome your little brother or sister into the world, more excited than we could ever put into words. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re not going to love your newest sibling with every inch of your being but it doesn’t make this feeling any easier.
When I’ve mentioned in passing my new baby worries towards having a second baby, many people told me not to worry, I’d have enough love for you both. Very kind I’d think, and I was of course grateful for the comfort but I’d never worried about that. As much as you’re my whole entire world and I can’t physically imagine having any more room to love you (I mean, if I had the room than I’d already be using it right?) I’ve always known that when my next baby comes along, I’ll simply love them the same. No more, no less, the same. It’s just been kind of obvious to me that I just will even though I know it’s a really common worry among many parents.
My worries though are about you … and I guess me.
How will you feel the first time I’m too busy being sick to answer your calls, or the first time my bump is so uncomfortable that I can’t roll around on the floor playing trains or give you a piggy back down the stairs?
What if I have to go into hospital during this pregnancy and stay overnight, or even long term and be away from you?
What if I have a complicated birth and have to stay in longer than I’d like to?
What if something happens to me … I know this is morbid and irrational but women die during labour, it’s a fact, it happens. What if you lose your muma because I wanted to bring another child into the world? I can’t help but feel selfish that I’m taking that risk when I have you, I have everything I need.
I know you’ll adore the baby, but will you get to a stage when you think … time to go home now, time to go and see your own muma this one’s mine. ‘Muma why is the bay still here?’
Will you tire of me constantly telling you to be gentle, put the baby down, stop shoving the bottle in it’s face; when all you’re trying to do is help and love your little sibling?
Will you give up asking for me to help you onto the potty or to play dinosaurs with you when you know that last few times I said ‘in a minute I’m feeding the new baby’.
Will you see the babies cot in our room and feel jealousy that you used to stay with us (more often than you perhaps should have done but oh my mum loves those bedtime snuggles)?
Will you resent how long it takes to get anywhere, that you have to wait for your little sibling to be ready before you can go to the park and explore?
Will you wonder why Grandma and Granddad and every other visitor is suddenly making a big fuss over someone else and not just you?
Reading these back, my feelings don’t change. I still feel the worry. I do realise how silly they are and that yes some of those will of course happen it’s natural – some I can’t even think about and have to know that they’re very unlikely.
I know that you will adore your little one. You’ll have a best friend for life. Someone to make you giggle, someone to kiss. Someone to teach and protect. You’ll miss them when you’re at nursery and you’ll be eager to see them at home time. You’ll have a bond I can’t even describe how excited I am to watch develop.
I know it’ll be amazing. I really do. I know it’ll be wonderful. beautiful, tough, testing and at times sad. Of course I’ll despise myself for making you wait or for seeing a wash of disappointment over your face when things aren’t exactly the same. I’ll also feel such proudness and love when I see you together and I know that’ll make these feelings all worth it.
These feelings hit me every day; as happy and excited as I am I feel so overwhelmed. I know I simply need to know that it will all work out. I need to spend as much time with Jasper as I can now and of course just make sure that I have enough time for both of them when the new baby arrives. I need to treasure the moments I have and know that the future brings so many more.
Okay, please tell me I’m not a loon ….