This time last month I went into labour. I had my last full day as a pregnant muma to be, anticipating how exactly my life was about to change, and preparing to meet my amazing little man.
The past month has been the most amazing of my life. I’ve learnt so much, been inundated with emotions and most of all gotten to know the tiny person that was inside my tummy for 9 months – Jasper.
Here are a few things that mummyhood has taught me, given me and meant to me.
Appreciation – for Rabbits health and safe arrival, for everything we have to help us raise him, for the mummy moments I get to experience and also for my mum and what she went through to raise me.
Responsibility – it’s all on me. When Jaspers hungry, needs a nappy change or change of clothes, is unwell or upset – it’s my responsibility to do what’s best for him and quite frankly that’s huge!
Unconditional love – even during the 3am feeds, being pooped on, having my hair pulled and knowing that at some point in my life he’s probably going to tell me that he hates me, that his friends mum is cooler than I am and that I’m embarrassing.
Confusion – Which nappies to use? Water and cotton wool or baby wipes? Bottle or breast? Wake to feed or let him sleep? There are so many things to think about and I’ve found it especially difficult with contradicting views of doctors, health visitors and midwives!
Support – The support we’ve had has been fantastic, from my mum helping out with laundry to emotional support given to me for breastfeeding and those at Breastfeeding Babes who have sat with me until Rabbit has latched perfectly.
Pride – I’m proud of Jasper for his already countless milestones and firsts he’s reaching. I’m proud of Pete for supporting our family on broken sleep filled nights and a broken hand. I’m proud of Rhys for being such a good big brother and I’m proud of myself for making decisions and doing what’s best for our perfect little man.
Guilt – for not knowing why he cries sometimes. For not being able to soothe him and resorting to a dummy. For letting him sleep in our bed knowing it’ll make life harder later. For having to put him through so many doctors and hospital visits.
Contentment – when Jasper is settled and we’re all snuggled on the sofa as a family. Knowing that we have everything we need, we’re all healthy and happy.
Multitasking – keeping on top of the housework, errands, my blog and Jasper, all while remaining reasonably presentable and sane! I’ve even managed to pamper myself a bit this week too 🙂
Worry – I check he’s breathing constantly throughout the night. I worry that I’ve not sat him in his carseat correctly, or that I’m holding him too tightly when he feeds. Am I stimulating him enough, changing his nappy regularly, giving him enough milk? How about my diet, is it well balanced enough (I know the answer to this and it’s no).
Relaxation – I just can’t sit still and chill out. I think it’s because instead of being on maternity from a job, I’m doing what I did before Jasper was born and what I hope to do full time once Jasper is older – blogging. If he’s fed and happy, the house is tidy, dinners ready, I don’t see it as time to have a nap, I see it as time to blog. This week however I’ve booked in for a massage and even got my eyebrows done – muma time!
Frustration – I get frustrated when he gets fussy during feeds and when he can’t fall asleep. I wish I knew what was wrong and what to do to help him.
Letting go – I need to let go of the fact that his first feed was formula not breast milk. I need to let go of the fact that I swore I’d never use a dummy and I did. I need to let go of the fact that life is going to change and in fact it already has. I also need to let go of the fact that the housework can’t be done first thing; my blog can’t be updated as frequently as I’d like and I’m going to be late for things.
Dependency – this little tiny person depends on me. He cannot do anything, not one single thing for himself and that is an overwhelming feeling. It’s amazing in fact. He depends on me to keep him safe, happy and healthy and that is the best responsibility a person can have.
Cooperation – me and Pete have really had to pull together. Of course there have been moments of snappy comments, tears and clenched teeth but overall we’ve worked together as a team. He took over meal times and takes Jasper while I have a bubble bath. I do all the night feeds so that he can get a good sleep for work. We’ve really proved to ourselves and each other just how great a team we are 🙂
Learning – most of all it’s been a learning curve. I had no idea about breastfeeding, nappy changes, burping and bathing babies. I’ve learnt it all as I’ve gone along. Not only that but I’m learning about Jasper – his likes, dislikes and comforts. It’s a constant learning curve and I’m loving every minute of it 🙂
So that’s mummy hood for me. It’s scary, exciting, overwhelming and beautiful and I’m so grateful for my little Jasper for giving me the opportunity to be his mummy!
Thanks for reading 🙂 xx