Could this be the last time I tuck you up in bed as my only baby boy? Will I even see you in the morning or will you wake up to Grandma and Grandad as Mummy’s had to rush off to hospital in the night to bring your baby brother into the world?
Is this morning the last one where I’ll greet your grumpy face and calls of ‘Mummy come get me’ without another baby bear to share your morning routine with?
Are these our last lazy morning bed snuggles, when Daddy has gone to work; just us two, with you demanding ‘Peppa Pig’ and that I stay on my side while you sneak back over for a hug and whisper ‘go get bot-bot Mummy’?
When I dropped you off to nursery this morning and you told me to ‘go home Mummy’. I got in the car and I cried. Not because you wanted me to leave; I love that you’re so happy there; but because I didn’t know if I’d be picking you up that afternoon or if it would be someone else. I didn’t know if it was the last drop-off with just me and not your new baby brother in tow, and already I worry how you will feel me and your brother leaving you there and going home … will you feel left out?
Everything we do now I wonder if it’ll be our last time as a duo; every play date, shopping trip and sofa den session. Even the daily things I used to overlook like brushing your teeth, getting you dressed, helping you make your cereal (yes you’re far too independent for my liking now), I find myself taking a little bit longer to do them, not wishing you’d pick your cereal a little quicker so we can move on to the next job. I honestly do treasure the moments and I sneak a few tears when I can at the thought of them being so precious now.
I know that when your brother is here the moments will just get better. We’ll be a trio; I’ll have double trouble on my hands and you’ll love always having a brother by your side. We’ll savour the moments when baby is napping when we can have ‘us-time’ and we’ll make a super big effort to have Mummy-Jasper dates when someone can babysit your little brother and we can go for ice cream and to the park. I know that it will all be okay; it’s just I’m a little sad that you’re not going to be the baby anymore. You’ll ALWAYS be my baby of course; but our family dynamic is changing and it’s going to be a little new for all of us … can you tell Muma is having a hard time adjusting to the thought already?
I’ve never worried about loving your new brother as much as I love you; or about you not loving your new brother; what does worry me is you ever thinking I don’t love you as fiercely as I do because I have someone new to love as well. I couldn’t possibly be more in love with you and although some of our moments may have seen their last days as they are, just like the last time I changed your nappy on my lap or breastfed you; we will still make more moments, just us two, with your new baby brother and with Daddy and your big brother too.
So tonight may have been the last night I tucked you up into bed as my only baby and I may not be here in the morning to wake you up – or we may have a handful more moments like these before baby arrives ( stop worrying Muma). Either way let’s just savour these moments and know that when your new brother is here and everything shifts a little, we’ll have some wonderfully exciting new moments to make with your new partner in crime.
Your Muma x